[Mommy Mondays] Three Big Truths: Reflections on Gender, Work Ethic, and Boundaries

As a woman, a mother, a working mother, a working mother in academia, and a working-mother-in-academia-with-a-background-in-small business-and-“night job”-as-a-state-legislative-advocacy-and-policy-strategist…I am drawn towards articles and information that center on what it means to be a woman and, in particular, a strong woman in the workforce.

I’ve read Sheryl Sanberg’s Lean In, Amy Poehler’s Yes Please, Tina Fey’s Bossypants, Am Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, and even have Gloria Steinam’s The Feminine Mystique queued up on the Audible wishlist. I’m drawn towards articles supporting how woman are more effective legislators, how current career-minded mommys are apologizing for their past single-self behavior, and how women still can’t have it all.

I’ve blogged about the “work-life balance” issue and am greeted on a regular basis with statements such as “how do you do it all?” and “I don’t know how you balance all this.”

I have a fleeting moment now where I can push my head above water and take a deep breath of air before plunging back in to swim furiously for another 2.5 months. And in this fleeting moment I would like to take a minute to acknowledge someone who helps me realize on a daily basis what is needed to strive for balance:

My husband.

That’s right, a man. Now there are many other women who are mentors and role models for me, and I also learn from successful women who share their stories. But it is a man who is helping me most right now with my daily struggle for balance and perspective.

Here are three big truths about me:

One: The first big truth is that I work very, very hard.  I work many hours and I have spent years honing my ability to prioritize, to organize and schedule my tasks, and to work as efficiently as possible.

Two: The second big truth is that I love what I do. All of it—the teaching, the research, the blogging, the strategizing, the advocating. I am a music therapist, regardless of whatever role or hat I carry at any particular moment.

Three: The third big…no, hard truth is that I struggle with boundaries. Because I work hard and because I love what I do, I tend to work All. The. Time. Here’s how my husband helps…

He’s a role model. My husband made an intentional choice several years ago to cut back on working at night and on weekends. He recognizes how short-lived his time is with our youngish-and-growing-too-fast children. When crunch time hits, he does what’s needed and may spend several hours at work on the computer after dinner. Other than that, though? The work waits until the next day.

He gets mad at me. He’s my external barometer for when work starts taking over too much and infringing on our family. And although I often push back, deep down I know he’s right. It’s time for me to stop. The work will be there in the morning.

Setting boundaries is still a struggle for me and I imagine it will be for some time, given my passion and workaholic tendency. But for now I am thankful for the support and mentorship I have from family and friends, and the learning that occurs when other women share their stories.

Now time to swim again…

 

Tagged as: academia, boundaries, Mommy Mondays, work-life balance, working mom